Sunday, February 21, 2010

Charger Fever Causes Man to Grab Wife By the Horns?

There are clearly many people who do not like Dodge’s “Man’s Last Stand” ad that ran during the Super Bowl. I am one of them. Here’s the ad:

If you look at the comments posted for the YouTube video (which is rarely a good idea if you want to maintain faith in humanity) you’ll see: some mad women; and a bunch of men who think the video is awesome and the women need to just chill out. But, as at least one commenter noted, the ad is offensive to both sexes. It makes women out to be unreasonable nagging shrews, and it suggests that men are such brutes that they should be rewarded for maintaining their hygiene and mustering a bare minimum of civility.

My breakdown:

“I will get up and walk the dog at 6:30am.”

If it’s your dog, you better. If it’s not your dog, don’t do it if you don’t want to.

“I will eat some fruit as part of my breakfast.”

Is this some sort of punishment? Fruit is tasty. If you don’t like it, don’t eat it.

“I will shave.”

I’d bet good money you do it for several reasons, at least some of which have nothing to do with your lady friend. Not to mention, she probably shaves, at least in part for you, and I bet you’d rather she not stop.

“I will clean the sink after I shave.”

I’d certainly hope so. You made the mess, you lazy bastard.

“I will be at work by 8:00am.”

My guess is you do this so you can keep your job, so you can have a home and eat and make your car payments. And so on.

“I will sit through two-hour meetings.”

Ditto.

“I will say yes when you want me to say yes.”

If you want to be a “yes man,” that’s no one’s fault other than your own, you gutless loser.

“I will be quiet when you don’t want to hear me say no.”

Ditto.

“I will take your call.”

How gentlemanly of you. If this is too much, perhaps you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

“I will listen to your opinion of my friends.”

Difficult, I’m sure.

“I will listen to your friend’s opinions of my friends.”

Remember when I called you a gutless loser? Yeah.

“I will be civil to your mother.”

Is civility too much to expect? Do your knuckles still drag?

“I will put the seat down.”

Always a good decision. And so much work, right? Being considerate is so trying.

“I will separate the recycling.”

If you’re doing this to be eco-friendly, that’s nice. If you’re doing it only because your lady friend is making you, then that’s your own problem.

“I will carry your lip balm.”

How sweet. And such a burden. You big strong man, you.

“I will watch your vampire TV shows with you.”

If you don’t want to, don’t. For the fourth time: gutless loser.

“I will take my socks off before getting into bed.”

Why is this a bad thing?

“I will put my underwear in the basket.”

Who else do you think should do it?

“And because I do this, I will drive the car I want to drive.

Charger. Man’s last stand.”

The car you want to drive is a Charger? Really? It isn’t a 911 or an M3, or, perhaps more reasonably, a Camaro?

Dodges are the official cars of assholes. [n.1] I believed this long before the Man’s Last Stand commercial. My dad once complained to me about how watching a USC football game (a game my dad would only watch to hope that USC loses) was very painful because he had to sit through an endless barrage of Dodge ads. And I said something like, “Well, Dodge is just trying to reach their target audience. Dodges are sold primarily to assholes, and USC fans are almost all assholes, so there you go. It’s a match made in Heaven.”

Note 1: This is, of course, a generalization. There are some non-assholes who drive a Dodge, and there are certainly assholes who drive something other than a Dodge. But it is a solid generalization.

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