Heard and Seen

A Completely Unexpected Follow-up

I was in a fast food burger joint filling my drink when I overheard the end of what was a very brief job interview. I first noticed the applicant when I walked by her a few minutes earlier, but I didn’t know she was an applicant at the time. I silently noted that she had a red bandana around her head and a solid red jacket—it was conspicuous enough for me to think that she was mildly “flamed up” [n.1]. I found her decision to sport the rag a little odd when I realized she was interviewing for a job. Anyway. Here’s the end of the interview:

Bossman: So, who do you know that works here?

Applicant: [Pointing at a box on her application] That, uh, that right there.

Bossman: I don’t have anyone who works here by that name.

Applicant: Oh, I thought that said emergency contact.

Bossman: No, why’d you come here? Someone, you know someone here?

Applicant: Oh, oh. I know Linda, uh, uh…

Bossman: Johnson, Linda Johnson? [n.2]

Applicant: Yeah, yeah.

Bossman: [Very severely and seriously] Don’t ever mention that, tell anyone that. [All severity instantly gone] So, I’d like to take a chance with you. What’s your availability?

A Blown Assumption

At the burger joint I’m sitting next to a man and a woman of similar age (30ish) and apparent social standing who are dining together. As the man tears open their shared bag of french fries he says, “Big ol’ bag-o-fries! Get ready for some artery hardenin’…” At which point I think, oh, a little awkward attempt at ice-braking humor, they’re probably on a first date [n.3], and just as I’m finishing the thought he finishes his sentence with “…ass blowin’ action.” At which point I was pretty sure they weren’t on a first date.

Sword Play

On my way out of my barbershop [n.4] I see four boys (10ish) playing with approximately 5' sections of PVC pipe. Each with their own. They are obviously “sword” fighting [n.5]. It immediately made me think back to when I used to play the exact same game with my friends, though we had the good sense to do it in my backyard, not out in public where everyone could see what dorks we were [n.6] [n.7]. I was flooded with warm and happy nostalgia. I couldn’t believe that when I was a kid that I ever desired to be older (I did). I realized, perhaps for the first time, that my severe “the grass is always greener…” outlook has been with me for a long, long time.

n.1: I know what that means 'cause I’m cool like that. I'm not sure, though, if one can be "mildly" flamed up.

n.2: The name has been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty alike.

n.3: Trust me, it really seemed like it was a first date, though I admit the location was odd. But, hey, I took my first-date-ever to a Burger King.

n.4 State Street Barbers on Webster. Ask for Dana.

n.5 The cute, innocent young-kid kind, not the dorktastic older teen and adult kind.

n.6 Perhaps they are victims of tiny city yards.

n.7 Sorry for all of the notes. I’m currently reading two David Foster Wallace books.